By The Slice: One Man’s Quest To Conquer The Pizza Of Richmond

Words and Photos by Tommy Dale McPhail

File Under: Desperate Times Call for Desperate Toppings

Ladies and gentlemen, one of the worst kept secrets in the collegiate world is the toll that eating out can take on both your wallet and your stomach. In attempt to minimize collateral damage, we often sacrifice the quality of our nom-related exploits to save a few bones. However, one can only swipe so many Shafer pies before the struggle becomes wholeheartedly real, and the inevitable fiscal-irresponsibility monster in all of us takes over.

Pizza pirates, I understand that times are tough, but by no means should that be an excuse to subject your selves to mediocre pizza. Regardless of your favorite toppings or stance on the Papa John’s debate, never should you question your right to enjoy the highest caliber in America’s mealtime foodstuff of choice*. This month, despite a reasonable degree of objection, I crossed Extreme Pizza off my list in hopes that your search may too be narrowed forevermore.

Extreme Pizza corners the niche VCU market in two key ways: by being arguably the closest pizza distributor to the freshmen residence halls besides 7-11, and by staying open until 3 a.m. on the weekends.

Tucked away on the corner of Broad and Shafer, many a unknowing student may fall prey to their convenient offerings tactfully disguised by edgy branding and inviting typefaces. The interior? Clean, by even the most rudimentary standards. The service? Competent, just the same. However, I cannot stress this enough; don’t let these things fool you. Your money is better spent elsewhere.

My lunchtime hunger pangs could only be staved off for so long. Earnestly, I tried both the pepperoni (for consistent comparison purposes) and the pepperoni with green pepper. Neither slice won me over. First and foremost, by no stretch of imagination was there enough sauce. Each bite slid down my trachea a tad slower than the last. Fortunately, the cheese was perfectly average, but, unfortunately, the cheese was perfectly average. It was not enough to redeem the rest of the ‘za. The brittle crust was barely a tolerable way to round out the meal. I left the restaurant feeling much like I did after seeing Spider-Man 3 for the first time; in a rush, thoroughly unsatisfied, and in mourning for most of my self respect.

As I contend with most things I enjoy, one must suffer the bad to thoroughly enjoy the good. This was certainly the case here. Don’t fall victim to second-rate slices, no matter the flavor of the week political protest or unwarranted street opinion. Like I’ve said before, I write this column to spare you turmoil in this regard. In the grand scheme, Extreme Pizza falls flat, and nothing more should be said on the topic. You may now return to your regularly-scheduled ‘Is it Thanksgiving yet?’ programming, most definitely already in progress.

 

THE VERDICT:

Crustability: 1.5/4

Sauciness: 1/4

Cheeseification: 2/4

Dining Experience: Boring/4

Overall Deliciousness Index: 2/4

*This study is based on absolutely no concrete study or factual information whatsoever.

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